


...and justice for all

by buckyjbarnnes



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Canon Related, Character Death, Character Study, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, M/M, Mechanic Billy Hargrove, Past Child Abuse, Steve is supportive, tattooed billy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-06-11
Packaged: 2020-04-24 11:12:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19172107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckyjbarnnes/pseuds/buckyjbarnnes
Summary: Contrary to popular belief, he didn’t have a thing for pain. He actually never really liked being in pain, but life forced him to go through all kinds of it constantly so he just got used to it, eventually.Billy figures that if it is pain that he’s chosen to go through, pain that will give him something he wants, like it would happen if he got a tattoo, it wouldn’t be so bad.





	...and justice for all

**Author's Note:**

> The title's from Metallica's ...And Justice For All, because I listened to that album on repeat when I wrote this. Billy now has a tattoo on canon, but I've had this sitting on my drafts since like, September and back then we didn't know yet. I always just really liked the idea of tattoed Billy, so this happened. 
> 
> No beta reader, just my 3 brain cells working at their max, so I'd appreciate it if you overlook at any mistakes I might've made.

He never really contemplated the idea of getting a tattoo. He always thought they looked kinda cool, like, they gave people  _ character _ or whatever, but he never thought he’d like to get one himself. Contrary to popular belief, he didn’t have a  _ thing _ for pain, he actually never really liked being in pain, but life forced him to go through all kinds of it constantly so he just got used to it.

 

Billy figures that if it is pain that he’s  _ chosen _ to go through, pain that will give him something he wants, like it would happen if he got a tattoo, it wouldn’t be so bad.

 

Then there’s also the fact that Steve had suggested he gets one, not because he doesn’t like Billy as he is -  _ I love you, asshole. It’s just an idea, _ \- but because it might help with the problems he’s been going through lately.

 

The thing is, he’s an adult now, like, he has a job and a home with Steve in a decent enough part of Chicago. He earns, by no fucking means, a fortune, but he gets paid good enough every month at the shop he works at from 8 to 6, he goes grocery shopping with Steve every Sunday, he cooks and he drives Steve to his job every morning. He thinks that’s supposed to mean he’s beyond all the shit that tormented him just 3 years prior.

 

It’s not, Billy finds out. You can be a grown person, and still have issues. Hell, you can even be fucking  _ happy _ , like he is, and still, have issues.

 

He always put up a front. Always had to put a front to be able to survive. When he was a kid, he was one of those really smart, really mean kinda types who really didn’t have many friends, but then when he grew up and went on to still be really smart and really mean, people started noticing his looks and he was basically at the top of the food chain without really having to work for it.

 

The front, it never really allowed people to know who he really was. They just saw the Billy who drank, smoked, punched and fucked relentlessly. It worked for him though, even if he felt really lonely sometimes. If people saw the emotional, unapologetically queer kid his mom raised up until she died, he would’ve probably ended up dead before he reached puberty.

 

Neil though, he knew about Billy. He knew who Billy was all along, and he punished him for it with words that cut deep and with fists and kicks he sometimes still felt in his bones.

 

The last time he ever punished him for who he was, was the day Billy and Steve were running away from Hawkins.

 

When they left Hawkins, it’d been a year since they started dating. They’d gotten together a couple of months after the shitshow at the Byers’ house when they sorted their aggression towards each other out and became best buddies. Then, eventually, one thing led to another, as it happens, and things just sort of...  _ happened _ between them and they started dating.

 

And it worked because no one gave their relationship a second thought. They were  _ pals _ in everyone’s eyes; just two popular guys who sort of stuck together because they were more similar than they were different. And they were happy as fuck, even if they had to hide. Like, Billy’s sure he hadn’t been that happy ever since before his mom died, because Steve was  _ good _ , and  _ real _ , and  _ dependable _ . And Steve seemed to be smitten by Billy, although he couldn’t really comprehend  _ why _ , even when Steve constantly said ‘ _ You’re the best thing that happened to me, Billy.’  _ to him. So it worked, and it worked better than any of them anticipated. That was until they got overconfident one night, and someone found them tangled in each other as they made out at some party. Shit hit the fucking fan then, and they basically had to run when the gossip started to spread and it reached Neil’s ears.

 

They didn’t run fast enough, though, because Neil got his hands on Steve, as they packed their cars with their valuable shit. He just sort of appeared out of nowhere, grabbed Steve and knocked him out  _ cold _ . Billy had lost his shit then, but Neil Hargrove was strong and meaner than Billy could ever be, so he didn’t only give Billy the fucking beating of his life, but he also gave him a real cute  _ souvenir _ , just in case Billy forgot who he was and why he was leaving.

 

Billy had been afraid that his father would stab him once he was too fucked up to stand up when Neil pulled out his switchblade. He didn’t though, just took Billy’s arm and as Billy cried tears mixed with blood and screamed from pain, he carved deep wounds that formed the word “faggot” along the inside of his right forearm.

 

Billy knew it wouldn’t need stitches, but it would definitely leave ugly, permanent scars that would mark him for life.

 

And they did mark him, although, with time, it stopped looking like “faggot” written in red and angry scars, and started fading. The “fag” though, that never really went away. Billy found it funny eventually, in a fucked up way.

 

So, Billy has a scar that spells “fag”, that’s been causing him trouble. Wearing long sleeves in the heat, contrary to popular belief, is the least of his problems. What causes him trouble is the constant nagging in his head that he has to be careful, lest he wants the guys who work with him to see the scar and then to connect the dots and kill him or something. He knows they’d do  _ something _ if they knew, seeing as how one dude specifically, one who’s loved by everyone at the shop and who’s also strikingly similar to what Billy once was; long, curly, blond hair, sharp blue eyes, and douchey attitude, always calls him a faggot. They all know he lives with Steve, but they are kinda dense so they don’t see beyond the buddy facade they put on. The guy though, James, he seems to be more  _ perceptive _ or whatever, about the situation. He also seems to know he’s hiding  _ something _ under the long sleeves and henleys Billy’s always wearing. 

 

James is a fucking problem alright because he seems to be watching Billy like a hawk constantly, looking for  _ something.  _ Billy has to be extra careful around him, with his scar, with what he shares about his personal life, and with his temper, because the guy’s fucking  _ unhinged _ just like he used to be. And he hates how it all reminds him of Neil’s control, but it’s even worse in a way because it’s like looking at some fucked up version of himself who is haunting him and waiting until he slips to rip his guts out. 

 

And then there’s not only fucking James but also how  _ he _ feels about the scar. It makes him feel branded, like he’s livestock. See, he’s not ashamed of what and who he likes. He’s gay, a queer, a fag,  _ whatever _ , and he’s not ashamed of that. He’s never been, despite the fact that Neil tried to drill into his brain that his very nature was wrong. He’s not ashamed of Steve either, because Steve’s  _ wonderful _ in every sense of the word. Billy feels like he’s the luckiest motherfucker out there when Steve smiles at him every morning. So, it’s not that he has some internalized issues about his sexuality - not anymore, anyways - but he knows what it entails, and what it means to be gay, especially when he works in an environment where dudes have vocabularies where half of their lexicon consist of the words “fucking faggot”, and who hang posters of girls with their tits and pussies out in every wall of the garage.  The branding in his arm makes him feel like he’s supposed to be  _ inferior _ to the kinds of guys he works with, or just any other guys out there who are not queers. And it’s fucking bullshit, he knows, but it still makes him feel like he’s  _ alien _ , like he’s supposed to be some kind of less valid man. 

 

And it’s not only the fucking branding that categorizes him. The scar also makes him feel insecure about himself. It makes him feel like he’s been  _ ruined _ , like he’s been  _ marred _ . And he hates looking at that arm, because it’s  _ gross _ in his perspective, because no matter how much Steve says,  _ ‘You are so beautiful, Billy,’ _ or how he doesn’t even acknowledge or act weird at the fact that the scar rises and is discolored in some parts - that it’s  _ ugly _ \- Billy still feels bad about it. He feels like  _ shit _ about it. 

 

So, that’s how Steve gives him a solution. Or something close to it, when Billy tells him about how he forgot to roll down his sleeve once he was done washing his hands before he left the shop and how James might’ve seen a bit of the scar.

 

“Maybe, you could like,” Steve says, chopping some carrots, “get a tattoo to cover it up?”

 

“A  _ tattoo _ ,” Billy says after a second, kind of offended, for some reason. 

 

“Yeah, they are kinda neat and it would cover it up just fine,” Steve shrugs a bit at Billy’s tone. 

 

“I dunno about that,” Billy says, “If you don’t like how I look you just can say it, y’ know.” He’s joking, but he also kind of means it. He’s very touchy about how the scar looks, after all. 

 

“I love you just the way you are, asshole,” Steve turns around and leans against the counter rolling his eyes, “it’s just an idea. Also, that way you really can give that douchebag and every other douchebag in the world  _ something _ to look at.”

 

He has a point. Billy likes the idea, so he hums. “What would I get, though?” 

 

“Hm.” Steve bites his thumb as he thinks.  _ Cute _ . “It’s gotta be something  _ you _ like. What do you like?”

 

“Your face, but that’d give it away worse than the scar, I guess.” 

 

“No, don’t be an idiot, shut the fuck up,” Steve waves a hand at him dismissively, Billy snorts. “I’m serious, what’d you get?” 

 

Billy thinks for a second. “Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. You know, to honor the whole catholic shit,” He’s only half joking again. He doesn’t know why that was his first thought. “Maybe not though, I don’t want God to see what I get up to with that hand.” 

 

Steve snorts. “Alright smartass, think about it. When you have an answer, I’ll help you look for an artist.” 

 

“I haven’t even  _ agreed _ to get the tattoo, you know.” 

 

“You did when you actually thought about what you’d get. I  _ know _ you want it.” Steve winks at him and goes back to chopping. Billy thinks he likes that Steve has him all figured out.  

 

………. 

 

He kind of forgets about the whole tattoo thing, up until about a week later, when on Saturday he gets a call at the shop and he thinks its Steve, calling because he broke the shower head  _ again _ . When he goes to get the phone, a small, private smile is playing on his lips at the prospect of listening to Steve’s voice, but it dies as soon as he hears who’s on the other side. 

 

It’s Susan telling him Neil died in a car accident that morning. Billy should be feeling some kind of emotion about the news and as he hears the brokenness in his step-mother’s voice, but he just thinks that it’s gonna be a real bitch to drive all the way to Hawkins and that he doesn’t own a black suit. 

 

He tells his boss when the calls end, and the guy gets upset, pats him the back, and allows him to go home early. Billy doesn’t feel  _ anything _ ; not happiness, not hatred, and most definitely, not grief. He thinks it’s because it’s almost  _ unbelievable _ , how the monster who haunted him ever since he was born, was now gone forever. He thinks it took God long enough. 

 

Only when Billy gets home and starts getting shitfaced, he starts actually feeling. A sense of  _ relief _ washes over him and it’s only comparable to the one he felt when Steve kissed him back with great enthusiasm that first time four years ago, or the one he felt as they escaped Hawkins bruised and scarred. He also feels like for once, justice was served. Susan didn’t say much, too distraught and messed up, but she did say that Neil didn’t die instantly. According to the paramedics, he was conscious up until he died because he’d become one with the wrecked car and they couldn’t extract him without killing him. He died in a violent, helpless and fucked up way, and Billy has empathy right, so he doesn’t feel happy about  _ that _ even if Neil was a mean bastard to him, but he does feel that he  _ deserved _ to die that way. He lived that way; it was only fair he died that way too. 

 

As he’s thinking all that, he drunkenly pouts when he remembers that he has to tell Steve, who is getting home soon. He pouts because he knows that Steve will worry  _ a lot _ , when he sees him drunk as shit, still wearing his dirty overalls sprawled over their couch. Then he’ll worry some more when he realizes that he will not be able to go with Billy to the funeral because he has the opening shift to the diner he works at. Billy doesn’t like it when Steve worries, and if he can help it, he tries to never be the reason behind Steve furrowing his brows and pacing about. It’s not fair to him. He’s so good and nice and truly loves Billy so much. 

 

He has an epiphany, as he thinks of Steve and absentmindedly touches the ridges of his scar. He thinks of how Neil has a million now, much worse and much uglier on his own body. He thinks of how that’s  _ fair _ . And that’s when it hits him, that it’d be a good idea to get Lady Justice tattooed over his scar. Justice was served, with Neil dead. It’d be only fair to himself, to cover up the last reminder of his father’s hate, and with that, to never give anyone else  _ ever _ , the power to make him feel  _ branded _ or wrong. 

 

………. 

 

Steve worries. Obviously. 

 

“Billy? Are you home? Why are the lights off?  _ Jesus _ .” Steve says kind of exasperated as he enters their apartment. 

 

Billy says nothing. Steve finds him once he turns the light on. 

 

“Are you drunk?” Steve says looking down at him, confused, with his shoes still on and a frown. “Billy, are you okay?” 

 

A beat goes by. Billy just looks at Steve. His hair is kinda flat, but he looks very nice, Billy observes as he breathes deliberately and touches his scar. 

 

“Billy, what is going on?” Steve says, kneeling by the couch and reaching for Billy’s hands. 

 

“He’s fuckin’ dead, pretty boy,” Billy slurs after a while, only when Steve starts looking more concerned with his state. 

 

Steve’s eyes widen and he looks and sounds  _ extremely _ concerned now. “Who is? Billy, you can’t just say that and not elaborate, Christ.” 

 

“Jus’ Neil. He swerved or somethin’ while he drove home and he died. Susan called the shop.” 

 

Steve says nothing. Billy says nothing. They just look at each other. 

 

“I gotta be there before noon y’ know, for the funeral. I should probably start drivin’ soon. I don’t have a black suit,” Billy slurs after a while as he entwines his fingers with Steve’s. 

 

“An’ I don’t even wanna go cuz I know you can’t come, but fuck me if I’ll miss the opportunity to see that bastard being buried,” Billy keeps slurring, “I might even piss on his grave, y’ know? That’d be cool.” 

 

“Baby,” Steve says softly when Billy loses his train of thought and his eyes start feeling heavy. “How are you feeling?” 

 

“Me? I’m good, pretty boy.” Billy smiles a little bit at Steve and squeezes his hand. “Now that you’re here, I’m even better.” He starts to drift off, but the last thing he remembers is Steve brushing his curls back from his forehead and giving him a soft kiss. 

 

……….

 

Steve tries to go with him, but his boss is an asshole, so Billy ends up going alone after all. It’s a shit situation, not only because he has to pretend that he cares that Neil died, but because he has to face everyone in Hawkins, and he has to do it  _ alone _ . He hasn’t gone through difficult shit alone since Steve arrived in his life. It really fucking  _ blows _ .

So, he arrives late, which means he doesn’t exactly arrive at the funeral but to the burial. He finds it’s insane how many people stand looking sad at the burial. He’s quiet as he goes to stand next to a weeping Susan and a stoic Max. 

 

He thinks he’s supposed to feel some sort of grief or whatever, as the casket lowers, but the only thing he feels is that his scar itches a bit once he sees the casket at the bottom of the hole in the ground. 

 

He doesn’t piss on the grave. He figures that showing to the funeral in black jeans and a black shirt is enough to disrespect Neil. He’d die all over again if he saw Billy being a  _ fag _ so openly and unafraid in front of his grave. He does spit on it when people leave and it’s just him standing in front of it. That’s his last goodbye to Neil. 

He doesn’t stay for the function Susan’s prepared. Billy hugs both Max and Susan, maybe for the first time in his life, and then just drives off. He thinks he  _ likes _ that he promised to visit them sometime next month. Maybe it’s the first step to finally taking up Steve on the offer to spend Christmas with the gaggle of kids he used to babysit and who wordlessly hugged Billy when they saw him arrive at the burial. 

 

Billy leaves Hawkins with the music turned down low and with a cigarette hanging from his lips - the first since 1985 - and he gets the idea that he’s gonna get Lady Justice as soon as he reaches Indianapolis. 

 

Way to surprise Steve. Way to surprise himself. 

 

………. 

 

He ends up getting it done at some sketchy looking neighborhood. The place looks clean enough when he enters, and the artist is some girl who looks like she’s a nice person. Then she effortlessly produces the most beautiful fucking drawing Billy’s ever seen in his life after he describes how he wants Lady Justice to look, and she doesn’t even flinch when she sees his scar. 

 

The tattoo doesn’t even hurt that much. It’s like a cat’s scratching up his arm. He thinks it’s kinda fucked up how he actually enjoys the way it feels, the way the ink blackens his skin. He thinks he’d like to get another one very soon and Lady Justice isn’t even halfway done. Billy thinks he’s gonna end up looking like one of those biker gangster dudes, just limp-wristed, but he’s not mad about it. 

 

Lady Justice, after about 5 hours of work, ends up looking like one of those medieval paintings that look like photographs with how detailed they are. Lady Justice has her scales, her sword, and her blindfold, and she looks like she’s going to step out of Billy’s arm at any given moment. Billy loves how the lines of her hair and her blindfold cover the ridged edges of his scar. It’s kinda dumb, but when he looks at her in the mirror, he feels like,  _ beautiful _ or something. Like he used to perceive himself before Neil decided to fuck him up. 

 

She doesn’t even charge him that much. Billy thinks that he could give her his  _ car _ or whatever, for giving him something so beautiful to cover up such a horrible thing that tormented him for so long. He can’t do that, so he tips her, and like, yeah, it’s  _ everything _ he made that week at the shop, but it’s worth every penny. 

 

……….

 

When he’s finally back in Chicago and he opens the door to the apartment, Steve’s asleep on the couch with some program running on TV. Billy approaches the couch and kneels by it, grabbing Steve’s hand in his and softly kissing his knuckles to wake him up. It doesn’t take long before he wakes up, blinking slowly and then focusing his bleary eyes on Billy’s face. He smiles a little bit and whispers, “Hey,” before closing his eyes again against the light of the TV.

 

“Hey baby,” Billy whispers back, a soft smile playing on his lips. His mood is probably not appropriate for someone who just came back from a funeral, but he just can’t help it. It’s like the first taste of real freedom, and he’s just too happy to know that Neil, or the scar he gave Billy, aren’t around anymore to torment him. 

 

“How are you feeling?” Steve asks, not smiling anymore, just considering Billy’s face. 

 

“I’m alright, sweetheart,” Billy assures, kissing Steve’s hand again. “I’m not even that tired. I might go to the shop tomorrow.” 

 

“That’s not what I meant, Bill, you know,” Steve says, still considering Billy’s demeanor. 

 

Billy sighs. “Yeah, I know.” 

“So?” Steve prods. Billy lets him prod. 

 

“So, I’m fine,” Billy shrugs. “I don’t feel sad about Neil, it’s more like...things are settled, I guess. I only feel sad for Susan, she was a wreck.”  

 

“She said anything to you?” Steve says after a pause. 

 

“No, but I did,” Billy says, “Promised we’d go visit next month. That was the first smile she cracked in a while, I think.” 

 

Steve smiles at him. “Sounds great.” Then he moves a hand to lightly rake his nails on Billy’s forearm, just like he likes it, but then Billy’s hissing and yelping, and Steve goes wide-eyed, frantically asking what’s wrong and apologizing. 

 

“I have a surprise for you,” Billy says, once the sting subsides and he’s able to think again. 

 

“Surprise?” Steve looks properly confused now. 

 

Billy rolls up the sleeve of his shirt and Lady Justice comes into view. The skin is red and irritated, and it’s warm to the touch, but the tattoo looks beautiful nonetheless. Steve’s eyes are wide as he examines with an open mouth the beautiful lines of the design, admiring in awe how the tattoo covers the entirety of the scar, and how it flows naturally with Billy’s forearm. It seems like Steve nearly touches a couple of times, before he catches himself and just looks, and looks, and  _ looks _  as if he’s witnessing some sort of priceless work of art. Billy figures it counts as such and alternates between admiring both Steve and his new tattoo.

 

“Do you like it?” Billy says, after a moment. 

 

“What the fuck is even that question,” Steve says unbelieving, “I love it, it’s… perfect.” 

 

Billy smiles and feels peace in his heart and in his mind. For a second there, he gets this small feeling of guilt because of what he’s  _ not _ feeling and he supposes he  _ should _ be feeling. He figures eventually, that Steve’s words before he left for the funeral with a blank expression,  _ death means different things for different people _ , are true, and they make him realize that Neil was his father, but he was also the man who hurt him, in more ways than one his entire life, and that ultimately, he doesn’t owe Neil anything, not even grief. 

 

He’s also glad Steve never said  _ I’m sorry for your loss _ , or something of the sort, because he knows Steve isn’t, and because he knows Steve said everything there was to be said about Neil’s death when he grabbed his face, kissed his lips, and repeated  _ death means different things for different people _ . 

 

So they smile at each other, knowing that things might start being brighter and that some of the scars Neil put on Billy, both mental and physical, might disappear with him. Lady Justice on his forearm is proof. 

 

………. 

 

He’s in the changing room, getting ready to start the day and mumbling some lyrics to himself to fill the silence. Steve convinced him to take the leave his boss offered him, so it’s been about a week since Neil’s death and since Lady Justice became a part of him. He’s honestly, the best he’s been probably in his entire life, and he guesses it shows in the way he acts and all that because the guys at the shop are looking at him like he grew a new head or something. He figures they must think it has to do with him processing Neil’s death, and that’s why even when they are clearly weirded out, they leave him alone and don’t comment on it. Even fuckin’ James is looking at him weirdly, with more intensity than usual, but Billy finds he doesn’t care, now that he has nothing to hide under his sleeve. 

 

So he zips up his overall, and heads out to start on the Impala his boss told him to check out. He’s still mumbling the lyrics, with his head half inside the car observing, supporting himself with his arms on each side of the open hood. He doesn’t notice James coming up behind him, so he gasps when his sleeve is roughly lifted up, hurting the still healing skin of his tattoo. His first instinct is to groan a bit in pain, and then to startle and yank the sleeve back down, but then he remembers how now no one could tell there was something there, to begin with, and after shoving James back a bit on instinct and saying “What the fuck,” he just allows his forearm to be exposed. The guy looks at the tattoo carefully, examining, and then back at Billy’s eyes. If he was the old Billy, he would probably be pummeling James’ face right now. He knew James saw  _ something _ the other day, but he’s glad he chose to  _ expose _ Billy when he found a solution for what could’ve brought him unnecessary problems. He’s irritated, and angry, because what is the need to do something like that, honestly, like, how much does that guy hate his fucking sorry life, that he has to  _ care _ that much about his coworker. 

 

“What the fuck d’ya think you’re doing, man?” Billy snaps, frowning at an equally enraged looking James. 

 

The guy just scrunches up his nose, says, “Nothin’,” and fucks off to do whatever it is he was doing before he decided to be a creepy asshole. 

 

Billy carefully rolls the sleeve of his shirt back down to protect the tattoo from any grease that may rub on him from repairing the car in front of him, and after calming down a bit, he smiles privately to himself. Steve was right after all, both about death meaning different things for different people and about him finally having something for douchebags to look at. 

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language, so I really love it when you leave your feedback!! 
> 
> I'm aware that the tattoo Billy got isn't exactly something someone would've gotten in the '80s, since back then people were all about colors (look at Ozzy Osbourne or Axl Rose, for example) or Celtic knots or some line work, but I just like the idea of Billy with something like Lady Justice, maybe because she's a tattoo I would like for myself lol. Lady Justice is also featured in the artwork of ...And Justice For All, but Billy's tat is not exactly /that/ Lady Justice. I thought about giving Billy the skull he has on canon, but it's just... it's kinda tacky. Sorry. 
> 
> This is not my favorite fic I've written, but I tried to post something before season 3 comes out and fucks me up lmao. I just want Billy to be happy, you know? 
> 
> Also, the asshole character, "James" is most definitely, most certainly, based on James Hetfield from the '80s. James has always been baby, but I had to make him a douchebag for this. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you for reading!!


End file.
